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Tickets Please
by Steve Young from York, England
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Three accountants and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three accountants buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an engineer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an accountant.
They all board the train. The engineers take their respective seats but all three accountants cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the rest room door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the engineers decide to copy the accountants on the return trip and save some money (knowing that accountants are clever with money) . When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the accountants don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed engineer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an accountant.
When they board the train, the three accountants cram into a rest room and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.
The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the accountants leaves his rest room and walks over to the rest room where the engineers are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."



A Thought
by Jeffrey from Tucson, Arizona, USA
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Why doesn't anyone ever remember National Amnesia Day?



It Couldnt Be Done
by Edgar A. Guest from Michigan, United States
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Somebody said that it couldn’t be done
But he with a chuckle replied
That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one
Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it!
Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;
At least no one ever has done it;”
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat
And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.
There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure,
There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start in to sing as you tackle the thing
That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.



Two quickies.
by Brian from Northern Ireland
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I slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace. Then I ran into a bar. I said, "Uuhhh!" It was an iron bar.



Don't You Know Who I Am?
by Christina Surretsky from NJ
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My story starts when I followed the career of indie author Amanda Hocking who landed a publishing deal. I requested tickets when I heard she was going to be on Anderson Cooper’s daytime talk show. As part of the request, the form asked “how were you influenced by Amanda?” I wrote about how I was inspired to write by her success.

A few weeks later I got a call from the show asking if I'd like to be the “special surprise ‘super fan’ guest” for Amanda Hocking.

Um, YES!
The day of, I got the star treatment (hair/makeup) and did the requisite producer run-through to make sure I was coherent and concise. There was some stage direction: “Listen, Amanda is great. But she’s very laid back and low key, so you need to bring ALL the energy to this. ALL THE ENERGY! Be PASSIONATE! ENTHUSIASTIC! But be yourself.”
Even though this is the diametric opposite of myself, I agreed.
And there was this piece of additional direction: “When you get onstage HUG Amanda. Even if she doesn’t get up, YOU PULL HER UP! HUG her!”
I even practiced my hug.
Soon I was placed in the audience. Then they brought Amanda out. After a little chitchat between Anderson and Amanda, I was brought up. Given the look on her face, I realized she probably was hoping I wasn’t a stalker who would follow her back to her hotel. (I didn’t. She ditched me.)
As directed, I went up and I HUGGED Amanda Hocking. But, Amanda Hocking, being the professional that she is, was totally cool, in spite of not expecting my hug, my stalking, or me.
This event pushed me to finish my book. So thank you Amanda Hocking for being such an inspiration. If ever see you again, I promise I won’t hug you. Unless you want me to.



Author and Editor
by Phil from Omaha, Nebraska USA
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During World War Two America shipped all kinds of supplies to our gallant Russian allies,including some Vaseline. The Russians asked for more Vaseline, and more was sent. The Russians asked for more and more Vaseline, and before long simply enormous amounts of Vaseline were being shipped to them on a regular basis.
No one could figure out what the Russians were doing with all that Vaseline, and it was finally decided to ask them. A message was sent saying "What are you doing with the Vaselne?" Before long a reply was received, and it said this: "We find it is very good when spread on black bread."



A Horseshoe Brings Good Luck
by Phil from Omaha, Nebraska USA
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The prominent scientist Niels Bohr had a horseshoe hanging over the entrance to his laboratory for good luck. One day a fellow scientist comes to visit, is very surprised to see the horseshoe, and says this:
"Professor Bohr, I am very surprised to see that a scientist of your prominent stature believes in a superstition" To which Professor Bohr replies,
"What superstition? I don't believe in any superstition."
Visitor- "The horseshoe hanging over your doorway. According to superstition it brings good luck."
Bohr-"Oh,that! I don't believe in superstition, and I do not believe the horseshoe brings good luck."
Visitor- "Well then, if you don't believe it brings good luck, why is it hanging there?"
Bohr says this- "They say it brings good luck, even if you don't believe in it."
P.S. It is claimed that Professor Niels Bohr actually had a horseshoe hanging over his doorway.



French Saviour
by Jackie from Australia
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It was in the centre of Paris that I was run over. Our ever-faithful bicycles were used to the maximum around the city. It was rush hour, and the reputation the Parisians have of being the worst drivers in the world was justified. Admittedly, we were on the pavement, studiously avoiding the square-hatted policemen who had told me off earlier that day for riding on the path.
We were sitting at the lights, and when pedestrians were shown the green light, off I sped. A lady in a small car hurtled around the corner through the red light, we collided. Actually, I pushed myself off the car, only knowing too well that I could be sucked under. All eight lanes of traffic came to a halt; Paris came to a standstill. The lady in the car was distraught; I was shocked.
Without really knowing what happened, a tall, handsome man picked me up and almost carried me to the pavement, while crooning, ‘Madam, you are ok, non? You are not hurt, non? Madam, you fell like a ballerina, like poetry. I am so sorry. You come all this way to our country to visit and this is what we do to you? I am so sorry, madam. What can we do to make it better?’
My knees were weak, not from the accident but from the smooth, poetic voice that caressed my ears. As I stared up into the beautiful, dark face of my saviour, letting him lead me to wherever he wanted to go, I felt a sharp pain in my ribs.
The magic of the moment was shattered with a, ‘She’ll be right, mate,’ from the unmistakable Aussie twang from my husband as he elbowed his way between my rescuer and me.
Reluctantly, the man let me go. As I thanked him, my heart sank as he disappeared. I think I loved him for a short time, if not him, then certainly the romance of the situation. In true Aussie form, Noel handed me my bike and said, ‘Come on, let’s go!’ And off we went. I was somewhat shaky, but smiling.



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